Watching the news (or scrolling online for news), we continue to see accusations about sexual harassment and impropriety by politicians, news icons, actors, and athletes. I had previously written about some of those incidents and thoughts to ponder (Hollywood & Harassment), but today I wanted to focus at one other Scriptural insight that we ought to consider: self-control.
I’ve always been amused by Paul’s instructions to Titus in Titus 2. He gives a list of what to teach the older and younger men and women. To older women, teach them “to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.” To younger women, teach them “to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands.” Paul instructs Titus to teach older men “to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.” But to the young men, he simply says to teach them one thing: “self-control.” The older women, men, and younger women get a handful of things to learn, but young men only get one simple instruction. Young men need to learn how to be self-controlled. Maybe Paul knows that is all young men can handle. Keep it simple and focused. Young men: Control yourselves.
Leaky Hearts
To be fair, self-control isn’t simply what must be learned by young men alone, but by everyone (though not specifically mentioned with older women, it is implied). Paul is sharing this instruction because he knows that when the ruling desires and insecurities in our hearts grow, we can be “out of control.” When our passions and “needs” rule our hearts and become great, our self-control becomes small. In other words, whatever we think about, fantasize about (acting upon our thoughts and desires in our thought lives), and dwell on will eventually leak out of our hearts and into words and actions. Perhaps, at first, the out of our heart leaks consist of an occasional comment under our breaths or private actions, but eventually the dripping leak becomes a flowing stream or river, overflowing into every part of our lives. If we want to be serious about self control, we must be serious about addressing our heart desires and demands.
Decisions, Decisions…
Self-control is not simply about what rules the heart, but also about making wise decisions. Here are two simple considerations in decision making and self-control:
1) Self control is about choosing what is good, right, wise & best over what is pleasurable. I’m reminded of a sermon by Andy Stanley who simply asked this question: “What would a wise person do?” Others have asked, “What would Jesus do?” Self-control is often about denying our wants and desires for what God wants…which is what is good, right, wise and best. Not only do we need to choose what is good, right, wise and best, but we also must consider when to do so.
2) Self Control is about choosing to delay gratification rather than instant gratification.
Are you a saver or a spender? Do you make choices to buy things on impulse or do you think about things first? Instant gratification is simply this: I want it and I’m either getting it or doing it right now. There was a study done in the 1960’s & 1970’s on young children and they asked them to choose, they can eat one marshmallow now, or wait 15 minutes, and then they’ll be able to have a special treat. The study, which followed the students many years, determined that those who delayed gratification were more successful than those who chose instant gratification (for more on the study, click here). Denying ourselves often means to delay gratification, especially as our rewards are in heaven through Christ (He is our reward!).
You’re Not Alone & First Steps
We can’t talk about self-control without mentioning Galatians 5:23: “The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” It is the Spirit’s work (fruit) inside of you that produces self-control. The Spirit’s work is not simply in the decision-making process, but the Spirit helps to change self-guided, ruling heart’s desires into desires that honor God. In cooperating and communicating with the Spirit, our prayers are best when they go beyond a statement of “God help me” (though we need that) as it is a bit too general, but we need to be more specific and address what really needs changing, the heart. Here is an example: “God, please forgive me for following my own heart’s desires and not yours. Please change my heart and help me to desire what you desire.” Afterwards, plan your time with Him, pursuing Him, seeking counsel, reading His Word, and being involved in His community. All of these are important as God used all of these in the process of changing hearts.
When Paul wrote to Titus about teaching self-control to, well, everyone, it is because this is an area in our lives where we all struggle. From impulsive decisions of purchasing, to eating too much over the holidays, or to sexual perversions that we’ve recently been bombarded with in the media, self-control is necessary for all of us. Yet when we seek after Him, and His help, guidance, and power, we grow in self-control as our hearts are changed through His Spirit. And when we seek outside support through accountability groups or counseling, we are moving forward.
Let the news we hear be warnings to all of us to guard our hearts, for they are indeed the wellspring of life (Prov 4:23).