I know I should get off my rear end and get some work done…but I’m just not motivated.  I often find myself in this position.  That is, sitting on a lazy boy watching TV or being in front of the computer.  Sometimes I just prefer to do nothing than to do something.  Why?  Good question.  Perhaps it is just that I’m exhausted from working and feel the need for a break.  Perhaps it is because I’m feeling a little down or depressed.  Maybe it is that I just don’t want to work or I just don’t feel like it.  Some people would call this laziness.  I call it being “Motivationally Challenged.”

Truth be told, we are motivated by what we want to do…what we feel like doing.  I remember one parent complaining that their child was so lazy that they refused to do chores or their homework.  Instead, they just  played video games, texted, or spoke on the phone to friends.  Is this child unmotivated and lazy?  Absolutely not.  Irresponsible perhaps, but not unmotivated.  They are motivated to do the things that he or she wanted to do…yet unmotivated to do the things that might take them away from doing what was wanted.  What motivates (most) children to do what they do not want to do?  Mostly fear and punishment.  ”Do your homework or else…(no TV, phone, video games, etc.)” or “If you don’t do your chores, then…(you will not get dinner until it is done, you won’t go out to the movies with us, etc.).”

Rewards are used similarly with adults.  One wife told her husband, “Unless you finish your projects, you cannot buy that TV you want.”  So, of course, he finished the projects to receive his wife’s blessing.  And the TV looks great in the basement.   OK – I confess.  I am that husband.

What if we can be motivated by something other than rewards and punishment?  What if, instead, we were motivated by love?  Now I don’t pretend to have this perfected as I give this challenge.  This is a reminder for me, too.  The two most powerful motivators in life are fear and love.  Fear (for the most part) is more self-focused, yet love (as mentioned in Scripture) is to be directed towards others and God.  If a child obeys a parent out of fear, they are obeying so it will go better for themselves and their reward is here.  If someone chooses to do something because they “feel like it,” it is out of love for oneself.  But if someone does an act out of love for their parent, for God, or for another, their hearts are right before God and their reward will also be in heaven.

My challenge to you (and myself, of course) is when you (we) need to do something and are just not motivated, choose to do these actions out of love for God, for spouse, or for others.  In doing so we will be victorious over our motivationally challenged and self-centered selves and bring honor to God.  This is what Christ did for us.  This is what we are to do for God & others.

“Wow, that didn’t even occur to me.”

This is the thought that occurs when a person asks a question about something that doesn’t even cross their mind.  It doesn’t have to be something important, just a topic that you haven’t really thought about or thought through.  In marriage, it is the thought that  comes when one realizes that he or she is living in their own little world and not thinking about anything outside of it.   The busyness of life often gets in the way…as does the sinful and selfish nature.  When we live in our own little worlds too long, we look to others as being a part of our worlds…but their existence is to make our worlds better…easier.  We forget (or pay little attention) that others are important.  We forget that their needs and desires are important.  We forget or have not even realized yet that they do not exist to serve us, but in Christ, we exist to serve them.  This is our sinful, self-centered nature.  Thoughts of others’ desires and needs do not occur to us because we live in our own worlds.  How do we change this?  Well, admitting it is the first step.  Confess this to God, and by His Spirit, begin to apply the love God gave you to your spouse (or others).

“Aw man…I should have thought about that before!”

This is the second step of process.  It is the beginning of awareness of the sinful state of the selfish mind and awareness of the desire and need to love others.  Demonstrating love may not be easy at first, but as one becomes more aware of God’s call to serve others, the afterthoughts occur more regularly.  These afterthoughts are not intended to bring guilt, but are a sign of greater things to come…if you remain aware of self-centeredness and begin to place priority in loving others.  Chances are, as you continue to be aware, you will at other times begin to plan out times of serving, date nights, giving praise, making love, etc (for your spouse) or serving other people in other ways.

“Let me think about this first.”

This is third step in the process of loving well.  This is the intentional practice of Christ-likeness, where thought, effort, and humility merge into an action of love for another person (or people).  It is the full awareness of others’ needs and in love, placing those above your own.  I remember several getaways with my wife and I.  Our trip to Niagara Falls on our 15th Anniversary was thought out, planned, and, I must say, well executed.  At this time, I loved well (though sadly other times I fail).  Another time my wife had planned a secret getaway for my birthday where she kidnapped me and we went to a Bed-and-Breakfast.  The thought and planning behind the action meant she loved well.  Both trips are etched in our memories.  Fore thought (or before-thought) is essential when we are not in the regular practice of loving well.  Jesus had thought of us when he went to the cross.  So, too, we must think of others before ourselves.

Loving well can be difficult, especially since we often go against the grain of our sinful natures where our desires are for others to love us well.  However, when we recognize our self-centered natures, confess and repent, begin to be aware of others needs and desires, and then intentionally commit to loving well, we will move forward by God’s grace to love others well.  So, how are you doing in this area?

In preparing for a Biblical Counseling Conference, I stumbled upon a blog from a woman who had been raised in a fundamentalist Christian Church.  In reading her experiences as well as some experiences of others who have been raised in a fundamentalist church, I am grieved by how many people who are “put off” by supposed “Biblical counseling” and even moreso grieved at the misuse and abuse of God’s Word, especially by fundamentalism Christianity.  Let me share a few thoughts on how, I believe, true Biblical Counseling reflects Christ:

1. True Biblical Counseling is administered by humble individuals who are willing to come alongside the sufferer as a fellow sufferer.  Philippians  2 reminds us how Christ humbled himself, became like us, and walked with us on our level.  He did not stand above us to condemn us (even though we deserve this), but came along side of us, even becoming a servant and considering us better than himself.  In humility, there is listening more than advising.  In humility, there is love for the person and not judgment over the person.  In humility, there is a willingness to enter the person’s world.  In humility, there is also biblical instruction, but the instruction is always clothed in love.

2. True Biblical Counseling is about counseling God’s Word as it is intended.  God’s Word is not a set of rules and standards in which we must  live so that God will be pleased with us.  Therefore we must not use God’s Word in such a way (the 10 Commandments were to show how salvation can only come from God and not from obedience to the law).  The Scriptures are God’s inerrant & inspired Word that share how a holy, loving, and righteous God demonstrates His grace (unmerited favor) on us through Christ.  That through faith, we may have a relationship with Him.  Though we pursue Christ-likeness, this can only be achieved by Him working in us through His grace and Spirit, and not through heart-less actions of obedience.  God’s Word must be used in Biblical Counseling, but it must not be used as a book of standards to force upon people, but as God’s book which reveals His holy character and abundant love to us so that we may be in relationship to Him through grace, by faith.

3. True Biblical Counseling is not simply about sharing God’s Word, but it is about the manner in which it is shared.  When we look at the life of Christ and his interactions with people and sufferers, we see several things: 1) His interactions with those who were seeking God (Zaccheus, Peter, Mary (who washed his feet), etc.), involved in sin (Woman at the Well) and even those who have been caught in sin (woman caught in adultery) as compassionate and loving.  Yet, at the same time, 2) though Jesus made himself available to the Pharisees and Teachers of the Law, and He even ate with them at times, his harshest words were for them…for the self-righteous who were not compassionate and loving towards others and who saw His Word as a Law to uphold to earn the favor of God.  In counseling, most people who enter our offices or churches are those who are involved in sin.  Yet they are also seeking God (Why else would they come to a biblical counselor?).  Therefore, our counsel must be clothed in compassion & love.

These are only some thoughts on how Biblical Counseling must also be Christ-reflecting.  Stay tuned for Christ-Reflecting Biblical Counseling: Part 2 for more thoughts.   What would you add or challenge to these thoughts?

In Part 1 of Christ-Reflecting Biblical Counseling, I shared how true Biblical Counseling reflects Christ in that it is to be 1) administered humbly, must include 2) sharing God’s Word as it is intended, and that it must be 3) clothed in compassion and love.  Part 2 below continues my thoughts on how to model Biblical Counseling after Christ.

4.  True Biblical Counseling is Discipleship-Oriented.  When we look at the ministry of Jesus, we see that he spent much of his time with his disciples, teaching them about God and showing the power, love, and grace of God to them through relationship.  It is true that Jesus did not disciple all of his followers in the same manner, that is, in sharing the secrets of the Kingdom of God like he did with the 12 disciples.  Jesus did not, after all, have all the time to do so with everyone.  He knew that after his death, another counselor would come…the Wonderful Counselor (Holy Spirit)…to speak truth into the lives of his followers.  Meanwhile, he trained the twelve so that they, too, would in turn train and disciple others.  2 Corinthians 1 shares how we who are comforted by God can comfort those in trouble with the comfort we received from God.  Yes, even the comfort we received in counseling from God.  Lord willing, the result of biblical counsel will be that our clients will lead others to God with the comfort they received.  Biblical Counseling is about walking with people and helping them understand God and His character, love, and will.  And they, in turn, will do the same for others.

5. True Biblical Counseling is in the world…but not of it.  We know that Jesus came from heaven.  He was in the world and knowledgeable of all that is in the world, yet his answers and healing did not come from the world, but from the power of God.  This is one area where there is some division in Biblical Counseling.  How should biblical counseling not be of the world?  Where does one draw the line?  Does this mean to avoid all psychotropic medications, doctors, pscho-therapy, etc. and look to Scriptures and God alone for healing?   Is depression & anxiety only of the world and therefore is sin?

Theologians have a term called total depravity, which means that our entire being is completely fallen due to original sin.  Therefore, our bodies, minds, emotions, etc. are in a less-than-perfect state.  So how do we cope with this?  How do we counsel with this knowledge?  I believe we must approach these issues humbly.  Although Scriptures do not speak of clinical depression or anxiety, they certainly speak to depression and anxiety.  Yet since our entire bodies, minds and emotions are affected due to original sin (not necessarily personal sin), would we not seek to enter a state of normalcy in going to the doctors as well?  If we have cancer in the body (from original sin), would we not seek treatment?  If we have depression, which is in the emotions and mind (or the spirit), would we not seek treatment to return to normalcy? Jesus himself said that the sick need a doctor (Mt 9:12) and he did not speak out against it.  In Biblical Counseling, to ignore that the affects of original sin also include the mind/brain/emotion and not simply the body may lead to simplifying our counsel, which could also lead to death in extreme cases (i.e. counseling a seriously depressed person who decided to commit suicide after it was advised by the counselor to not take medications because medications are “of the world” and not God).  Recommending someone to speak to a Psychiatrist is not, in my opinion, being of the world, but recognizing the total depravity of humanity.  Biblical Counseling becomes of the world, however, when it reflects humanity’s wisdom and models for change, when the counsel leads people to finding answers within themselves and apart from God, when the counsel leads them towards personal happiness and not towards holiness, and when the counsel reflects more cultural answers than biblical answers.  Biblical counseling must be Christ centered, because the bible is Christ-centered.  A counsel that fails to be Christ-centered is a counsel that is culture-driven…a counsel that is of the world.

In college I was pressured to declare a major.  What did I want to do with my life?  I had no idea.  I took a course called “Interpersonal Relationships” and while taking it, my heart jumped as I soaked in every minute of the course (minus the tests, of course).  Shortly after, I declared my major to be Family Studies.  What was the rationale behind this?

I enjoyed the class and I had learned how to make better relationships.  This course helped me get what I really wanted.  It helped me have good relationships… so that people would like me.  Of course, it is only natural that I declare Family Studies to be my major as, I thought to myself, “I want to be a good husband and father.”  Why was this important?  So that my wife would one day say, “You’re the best husband ever” and then my kids would say, “Dad, you’re the best.”  What did I really want?  I wanted their worship.

I thank God that He revealed these sinful motives of my heart throughout the course of my walk with Him.  There is no one worthy of our worship than the Father above.  In my pride and arrogance, I was determined to take what I did not deserve.  Yet now, more than anything, I hope my children and wife worship The Father (and not me).

There is only One who is worthy of our Worship.  This Father’s Day, give thanks to the Heavenly Father for all that He has given to you out of His love for you, especially His Son, Jesus Christ.  Give honor to your earthly father, too.

P.S.  Thanks, Dad, for raising me well and being a good role model.  You’re awesome!

I had the pleasure of speaking at a Couple’s Seminar this past week and spoke on a topic I had previously not spoken about: Praying together as a couple.  Not a week later, I was approached about this topic on two other occasions.  Taking the hint, I figured it would be best to write about it.

Many Christian couples have a difficult time praying together.  It is especially difficult for some who have never grown up in the church or prayed out loud.  It’s just…awkward.  ”What do I pray about?” “What if I don’t do it right?” “Will my spouse be better than I am?” “How do I do it?” “What if my spouse laughs at me?” “What do we do if it’s awkward?”

Let me give you a few points to consider when you desire to pray together.  These aren’t original, but ideas I have gleaned in research.

1.  Praying together can bring a couple closer together through physical touch and uniting hearts in humility seeking the Lord.

2.  Praying together often involves both partners feeling “safe” to pray.  If your relationship is characterized by criticisms, judgments, arguments, etc., now might not be the right time.  But you can pray by yourself that the Lord will change you to         become a safe person and that the Lord will change them as well.

3.  Praying together will seem awkward at first.  Keep going.  It will become more natural.

4.  Before praying together, have a list of things to pray for so you know what to pray for together.

5.  You can start by silently praying together, holding hands and squeezing the other’s hands when you are finished.

6.  Take only a few minutes to pray (5 minutes max) at first, this will limit the “awkward time” and help people not fall asleep.

7.  Dedicate a certain time of the day that best fits your schedules together and be committed to that time.

8.  The Bible does not command that you do this together as a couple, yet it is encouraged that people pray together.  Do not treat this as a “law” you must do nor demand that your spouse pray with you.  This does not bring about the best prayerful attitude.

9.  Do not pray AT your spouse.  In other words, don’t do this: “Dear Lord, please change my self-centered spouse and help him to love me as he ought.” or “Dear God, please help this woman I married to give herself to me and submit to my leadership.”  Just not a good idea.  Prayer is about seeking His will as a couple and not about asking God to do what you want Him to do.  It’s not to be used as a manipulative tactic to change your spouse.  Pray WITH your spouse, not AT them.

10.  Feel free to pre-write your prayers if you feel nervous.

11.  Talk about the obstacles to praying together and work together to overcome them.

12.  Hold hands.

13.  Seek prayer requests from your spouse and pray specifically for your spouse.

This is not an unusual problem for Christians.  It is a good desire to have to pray together, yet it is a horrible demand.  Praying together is not the temperature gauge for a Christian marriage, yet it certainly can be beneficial for the couple and can be very meaningful as well.  Some will refuse to pray together.  This does not mean that they are not Christian or that they don’t pray, simply that they choose to be personal in their faith “me and God”.  Though Scripture does not encourage such an approach (it encourages community), you may continue to pray for them and occasionally ask that they pray for you (even if he or she won’t pray with you).  And please, don’t take it personally.  It’s just where they are in their walk with God and it is up to God to move them if they are willing.

As a Philadelphia Eagles fan, disappointment was a weekly occurrence in 2012.  Just when my hopes would raise on a great play, someone fumbled or threw an interception.  Real fans remain fans, even in such disappointment.  When there is continual disappointment, however, faith begins to wane and hope becomes hidden in the sea of disappointments .

As a married man, I can say that disappointment occurs on a regular basis.  Sometimes such disappointment is my feelings towards my wife, and other times it is my wife’s feelings towards me (I think even moreso).  It’s an occurrence that happens more frequently than I’d like to admit.  And as a marriage counselor, I can also say that disappointment occurs in every marriage to some extent.

This is not something we want to have inside of us, but we’d like to be happy with our spouses and the choices they make on a regular basis.  Unfortunately, though, this is not the case 100% of the time.  What causes such disappointment in our spouses and what can we do about it?

Disappointment in our spouses (or at any time) is often caused by three things:  Our expectations for them, our expectations for God, and other’s actions.

1) Expectations for Them – If our expectations are high, then chances are others will not meet them and of course, we will be disappointed.  We have set standards for our spouses and they remain unmet.  Sometimes certain standards are high and also appropriate.  For example, it is appropriate to have a standard that you will not be physically hurt by them, that they will remain faithful, that they will treat you with love and respect, etc.  It is inappropriate, however, to expect your spouse to do what you want when you want it.  If you come home and expect the house to be cleaned, laundry done, for them to clean up after themselves at all times, kiss you when you desire, be open to talk when you desire, etc. then you are clearly having inappropriate or high expectations.  You will be disappointed.  Our happiness is never found when others meet our expectations.  A happy marriage is not when others meet your expectations.  A God-honoring marriage is when spouses practice forgiveness, over-look offenses, and they recognize that their spouses are fallible – meaning that they are not designed to measure up to our expectations.  How could they?  They are self-centered sinners, just like us (see #3).

2) Expectations for God - Sometimes we look at God as the cosmic Santa Claus or the Soda/Pop Machine where we give Him our prayer dollars and expect to receive what we want when we want it.  We want God to live for us so that we become happy in this life.  If our spouses make us happy and do not disappoint us, then we are happy.  If there is no suffering, then we will be happy.  If we are disappointed, then we say that God did not hold up His end of the deal.  The death of a loved one, an unfaithful spouse, sickness, loss of job, whatever that may be – we blame God for not meeting our expectations.  Isn’t he a loving God?  Well He allowed this pain and suffering to happen!  If God allowed such pain and the end result of my prayers do not end as I would like, then He failed or God “didn’t work.”  In our marriages, we will be disappointed.  We may also be disappointed that God hasn’t “changed” our spouse or answered our prayers in relation to our spouses.  Perhaps this would be a good time to recognize that “His ways are not our ways,” that He has never promised us that we would not go through suffering, but that He has promised he would be with us always (Mt 28:18), even in our suffering.  The time of never-suffering will come, but not until we are with Him in eternity. (For more on this, read Philip Yancy’s “Disappointment with God“)

3) Spouse’s actions - Truth be told, we will be disappointed in our spouses…and probably many times.  We will be disappointed not only because we have high expectations, but because they are like us; sinners in need of a savior.  Their hearts are like ours, self-centered.  Their loving actions towards us are like ours towards them, tainted.  Some actions are out of pure love, some loving actions appear to be loving, but are self-centered.  And sometimes there’s a mix of both.  They also have expectations for us and when we don’t meet them, they get disappointed and angry, too.  As sinners, they will not only be focused on themselves, but they will intently harm us with hurtful words, by ignoring us, or by doing something they know we will not like .  When they purposely do these things, we are hurt.  We are disappointed.

The one thing we can expect in marriage is that we will be disappointed.  This disappointment is sometimes our fault and it is sometimes our spouse’s fault.  When we are disappointed, first we need to look at ourselves and our standards and expectations for our spouses and also for God.  We must understand that our spouses’ goals, as well as God’s goals, do not surround our expectations as though we are at the center of our lives and others exist to please us or meet our expectations.  On the other hand, we must recalibrate our lives and recognize that God is at the center and then practice forgiveness, adjust our expectations, over-look certain faults in our spouses, and love and honor our spouses.  We must also recognize that we are sinners first and we are in desperate need of a Savior.  If we solely focus on our spouses faults, we will place ourselves above them, judge them, and we will fail to recognize the change we need in ourselves…and we will remain disappointed.

The following blog is from my nephew, our guest blogger, David DeLeon (16).

The battle of being a Christian teen is challenging. When a battle is fought and won, our character grows because we have learned how to overcome the enemy in a specific situation. When a battle is fought and lost, we stumble, but we can still learn from our mistake and grow stronger. This battle as a teen is a battle of the mind and it is an intense battle between the teen and the devil. It is essential for a teen to know what he or she is up against before the teen finds oneself miserably defeated.

For me, I had fallen into many temptations that looked good, at least for myself. Little did I know, the devil was playing with my mind. There are five main plans that the devil had against me and has against everyone:

DIVERSION:  Diversion makes the wrong things seem attractive so that you will want them more than the right things.

DEFEATED:  Feeling defeated means that you feel like a failure so that you don’t even try. I had felt so defeated after every mistake that I could not bring myself to try to overcome my mistakes.

DELAYING: In this case, the devil makes you put off doing something so that it never gets done. When I was in the process of not trying to overcome my mistakes, I began to just stop me and God time. I began to delay prayer, bible reading, and almost all communication with God.  The decision to be away from God will often result in a downhill spiral of feeling an overwhelming state of being alone, or dead to the world, or isolated, or unworthy, or hopeless, or unloved.

DISCOURAGEMENT:  Discouragement makes you look at your problems instead of God.

DOUBT:  Doubt, in my opinion, is the most dangerous weapon that the devil possesses. Doubt makes the right seem wrong in a ponderous confusion of the mind. Imagine you mind rejecting the very reason of your existence. That is what teenagers do sometimes for whatever their own reasoning is. Many varieties of doubts tend to come across the mind of a teenager. For example, “Am I worth anything?” “Is there really a God full of love and grace?” “Is there really that love that is so pure and divine?” Even the most simplistic questioning of God can easily lead to a person deciding to go their own direction based on the lack of trust invested in God.

“Life is a walk in the desert… until you reach the everlasting stream.” This is a personal quote I made for myself as reminder as I go through my teen years and the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel that I am walking aimlessly through a dry desert. I am in search for water. My mouth is dry, and I start to believe that I will not survive much longer as I lie on the hot, sizzling sand. When all seems lost, I cry out for God, and God pulls me up and gives me a drink. I feel my strength increasing more than ever. I feel refreshed. I feel renewed. Once again I am up on my feet.

Through the battles in life, whether you are a child, teen, or adult, God is the everlasting stream. God will not leave you thirsty, or unloved, or alone as long as you trust and follow him. He is the way, the truth, and the light in all darkness. It is a challenge as a teen to live life how God wants us to live, but God offers his hand to all people.  We just need to take his hand.

The term “bitter,” when used in the Scriptures, is not typically a word used with favor. In fact, “bitter” is typically used to describe one who holds contempt for another, or how awful something is. When it reigns in the heart, sin is not far behind. Paul states in Ephesians 4 to “Get rid of bitterness” and instead “be kind and compassionate, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
A bitter taste is typically unpleasant, but after a while, it may become an acquired taste. Some foods and drinks that we typically consume with bitterness in them are grapefruit, beer, olives, unsweetened cocoa and coffee. Since “America runs on Dunkin” and Starbucks makes some bucks on their coffees, we know that many have grown not only accustomed to the bitterness, but enjoy it. Others who like coffee attempt to cover the bitter taste with creamer and sugar, sometimes adding up to 5 packets of sugar! Crazy.

The bitterness of our hearts can’t simply be covered up by sweet acts.  Bitterness can only be altered at the source – the heart.  It starts with seeking God’s forgiveness for our bitterness.  When we hold on to bitterness, we are deliberately sinning against Him.  Knowing that He loves us, He will forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from unrighteousness (I John 1:9).  Did you get that last part?  He cleanses us from unrighteousness.  He removes the bitterness of our hearts when we humble ourselves before Him.  He continues to remove the bitterness when we humble ourselves and seek forgiveness from those with whom we are bitter.  This may not be possible in all circumstances, but when it is possible, to do so can be healing for us, too.  Finally, as we humble ourselves before God and recognize that He forgives us and cleanses us, we, in turn, forgive others who have offended us or hurt us.  Forgiving the other person, however, should come before seeking forgiveness from the offender.

“Rid yourselves of bitterness,” Paul states.  When we do this, we become more like Christ.  We become, well…. “better.”

On a similar note (yet also off topic), I have recently agreed to become a Consultant with a Cause with SOLUDE Coffee.  SOLUDE Coffee removes some of the bitterness at the source.  The gourmet coffee beans are air roasted from a patented technique so that the bitter taste that is present in most coffees is minimal.  If you purchase through my SOLUDE web page , a portion of the proceeds will be donated to Foundations Christian Counseling Services.  So here’s my shameless plug…“Rid your coffee of bitterness.  It will be better.”  :)

On Facebook, I’ve seen petitions for businesses to stay closed on Thanksgiving Day to allow people to stay home and spend time with their families.  Businesses, they claim, are only open to make more money.  They’re greedy and heartless.  It’s called “Black Thursday” because of the blackness of their hearts (not because the sales will help their businesses stay in the black).

On the other hand, I’ve heard arguments that since we live in a capitalist society, we recognize that businesses are in the business of making money.  So, for them, they are doing what they need to do to make money, which creates jobs, and eventually helps to keep families financially secure.

On both sides, there are passionate people who mean well and who have excellent points on their sides of the arguments (of which I’m sure I have not done them justice in the least bit).  So what are we to do with this?  ”To shop or not to shop?”  That is the question. But it’s not the only question.  The other question is this:  “To judge or not to judge?”

Here are some summary conclusions I have come up with to address these questions.

“Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial”  (1 Cor 10:23).  The context of this verse has to do with eating meat sacrificed to idols.  Some said it is OK to eat meat sacrificed to idols because the “earth is Lord’s and everything in it,” so we do not have to be concerned about eating such meat because it is the Lord’s meat.  Others had said that since the meat was sacrificed to idols, we should not eat it because it was sacrificed to an idol and not to God.  Paul is stating that all meat is OK to eat, yet if you push someone to do what they are not convinced of in their conscience, then you cause them to sin (or go against their conscience).  Do what is for the good of the other person and do everything for the Glory of God.

TO SHOP:

In applying these verses to shopping on Thanksgiving, I see it as a matter of conscience.  Businesses have the right to be open on holidays and they do so to make money and pay their employees. Which is what businesses are supposed to do.  This can help families financially (which is beneficial) and may even be considered being good stewards of the money God has given (In this way, one may say it is for the glory of God).  Shoppers looking for deals can also take advantage of these times to pay less for more (while admitting that Christmas is really not about great deals or gifts, but the gift of Christ.  The tradition of giving gifts can hardly be ignored.  Though if you wish to try it, let me know how that goes).  There are 364 other days of the year to spend time with family that one can take advantage of and should.

If a believer (or non-believer) wishes to shop on Thanksgiving, they should not be looked down upon or considered greedy, a bad Christian, or any other negative judgment that comes to mind.  It is permissible to shop on Thanksgiving and it may even be financially beneficial, too (though perhaps not in family time together).  It is this person’s responsibility, however, not to force someone or judge someone who does not believe that shopping on Thanksgiving is OK.  If it is against their conscience, you would be encouraging them to sin.  It is their choice to make.  

One final note: If you shop on Thanksgiving (or anytime, really), it is always important to ask yourselves if you are shopping for the glory of God?  Do these purchases reflect my heart’s desire to please Him, honor Him, love my neighbor, etc.?  Or are these purchases about “me?”  Are they about my wants and needs to feed my own desires for people to like me, love me, think I’m the greatest because of gifts, or take pride in great deals and saving money?  If it’s about me, then it’s not for God’s glory.

NOT TO SHOP:

The one who chooses to make a stand against shopping on Thanksgiving is also following their conscience and chooses to do so often for family’s sake.  They choose to take this time to spend with family, prepare meals, clean up, play games, and do whatever with family.  With the busyness and craziness of life, Thanksgiving is a perfect opportunity to get together with family and spend quality time with them.  Businesses being open, however, threatens time with family, especially when loved ones must work.  The fear is that businesses being open will make Thanksgiving Day like any other day, threatening an important tradition of family time.  It is no wonder why so many are upset.  Yet, to look down upon or judge those who shop would also be sin.  Do not make the Thanksgiving shoppers feel guilty for what they do as it is their decision to make within their own conscience.  “For why is my freedom being judged by another’s conscience?”  (I Cor 10:29b).  We can disagree with businesses and with Thanksgiving shoppers, but let’s not look down on them.

One final note:  If you choose not to shop on Thanksgiving, are you staying home for the glory of God?  Are you staying home to cook, clean, earn the love and appreciation from others or to watch football, take pride in the family you have – yet you are present in body but not in mind and heart? Or are you staying home to love God in showing appreciation to Him by loving and serving your family and friends who join you, involving yourself in discussion and relationship?

MY DECISION THIS YEAR:

As for my family, we will be remaining home to spend time with one another.  Family time for me is a value that takes priority over financial savings at this point in my life.  Next year could be different if the financial savings take priority and I can designate a few hours of family time on another day (after or before the family dinner, of course).  

I greatly respect Cathy Truitt who has the right to have his businesses (Chic-Fil-A) open on Sundays, but chooses to close them based on values and conscience. He lives with the consequences of less money, but his conscience is clear before God.  Other Christian businesses don’t have the same business conviction about Sundays (though perhaps a personal one, meaning they take off one day per week as a day of rest and unto the Lord) and they also have clear consciences,  but neither look down upon the other.  

Whatever we decide, may our personal decisions be in line with our consciences and we choose not to look down  upon others who do not have the same convictions.

“Go. Ssssip” said the serpent…  (see what I did  there?   OK.  Just checking.)

Gossip is present everywhere. Even in the church. Unless we get a hold of our tongues, search our hearts, and confess before God, we will fall prey to it. All of us. Matt does a great job describing gossip, sharing Scriptures that speak about gossip, and what to do when you are tempted to gossip, listen to gossip or when you are gossiped about. He humbly approaches gossip as a fellow sufferer and sinner and as one who is tempted. This book is great for small groups, church leadership, and for those who struggle with gossip and who have been gossiped about. As a pastor, I’ve found it helpful in personal counseling and in training for those in conflicts within the congregation. Thumbs up, Matt!

Check out Matt’s video below!

Yes.  I’ve considered it.  I was 12 or 13 at the time.  New home.  New school.  No friends.  I was shy and overweight.  Girls? Well, I was just starting to notice the girls, but they didn’t really notice me.  They were nice and all, but no romantic interest (as if 12 year-old’s know anything about being romantic).  I was depressed and I remember thinking with a knife to my chest, “If this was what life was going to be like, I don’t want to live anymore.”

Many of us have considered suicide.  Many have “succeeded” in the task to end their lives on earth, but they failed everyone else around them.  Many have “failed” in their attempts at suicide, but in their failure, they have gained so much more in life.  For me…I failed. And I am so grateful to God that I did!

If you’ve considered suicide or are considering it, you are not alone.  Not only because others have thought it and desired it, but because God is near to you, loves you, and has a plan for you.  It may not feel like it.  But it’s true.  He also gives answers in His Word to help you as you consider it.  Let’s look at one man who considered suicide in the bible and what this shows us about considering suicide.

In Acts 16:25-34, there was a man, a jailer overseeing the inmates Paul & Silas & others, who was about to end his life because he didn’t measure up to his assigned duties.  

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them.  Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.  The jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped.  

The jailer failed. He knew his life was over when he thought the prisoners had escaped. As a punishment, the governing authority would kill him for his negligence, so instead of letting his life be in the hands of others, he sought to take matters into his own hands.  But just before he was about to kill himself, an intrusive, yet important voice enters his hearing…

But Paul shouted, “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!”

Have you heard this intrusive voice?  “Stop!”  “Don’t do it!” “Things will get better!” – Maybe it’s in your mind or maybe the voice of a trusted friend.  Listen to this voice!!!  It’s so easy to listen to the other voices (audible or inaudible) that say “It won’t get better.”  “This life stinks!”  “Everyone will be better off when I’m gone.” “No one loves me, so I might as well end it now.” Etc, etc.   These voices do not speak truth, but are lies based on feelings and perceptions.

Paul then states, “We are all here!“  This is such a small and often overlooked statement, but it has huge ramifications.  There is only one thing the jailer needs to hear right now… only only one thing that can get him to stop in his tracks…Truth.  His decision to commit suicide is based on what he perceives, but not on what really is.  The overwhelming circumstances he is encountering is entirely based on his perception.  The jailer doesn’t see the whole picture. Why? First, he was sleeping, so he didn’t know what happened while he was in dreamland.  Second, it was still dark in the jail.  When he awakes, he sees the cell doors open and assumes all have escaped.  Paul’s statement, “We are all here,” is more than a informative statement of their presence, but a declarative statement that it is not as bad as you perceive it to be!  Do you hear that?  It is worth repeating.  It is not as bad as you perceive it to be!

When considering suicide, the bigger picture fades into the impossible and unreal while perception becomes truth.  In the darkness, the jailer did not see the whole picture, but only a small portion.  The most urgent thing on his mind was how much he failed (sleeping on duty, open cell doors) and what his future would be due to his failings (being put to death).  This was a loss of hope.  Not wanting to suffer through the humiliation, his rash decision almost led to his ultimate failure – giving up on life.  It was only when he stopped to listen to the voice and opened his eyes to the truth that his life began to change.

Just when he thought his future was over, his decision to keep going by faith produced hope, peace, and joy in his life.  Click here for “Considering Suicide - Part 2″ for the continuation of the jailer’s story as recorded in Acts 16.  

If you are considering suicide, seek help – we all need it sometimes.  You may click on the picture above or call the number listed on the picture to talk with someone who can help!

If you would like this presentation to be given at your church or youth group, please contact us at info @ foundchristcounsel. org or by calling 570-402-5088 (ext 0).

The following blog is Part 2 of “Considering Suicide.”  (Please read Part 1, (click here) first.)

OK. Let’s get caught up: The jailer was ready to kill himself, but he stopped midway through his actions and listened to Paul’s words of hope, “We are still here!”  Immediately the jailer put down his weapon of self-destruction to check on the truth of Paul’s statement.  When he saw that Paul spoke the truth and the situation wasn’t as dire as he perceived it to be, he recognized the rashness of his actions and the fact that Paul had just saved his life. Let’s continue to listen in to this account in Acts 16…

The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

After the jailer looked around, a sense of urgency came as he rushed into Paul & Silas’ cell and was trembling before them.  He was actually trembling.  We can only get a glimpse of the emotional state he was in.  The awe, the wonder, the fear, the curiosity, and the realization of what he almost did manifested itself in his trembling.  

Next, the jailer brought them out of the jail cell.  It was then, I believe, that the jailer realized that he was the one who was in a cell – the cell of his own making.  The jailer recognized that Paul & Silas were not the ones who needed saving, but that he was.  “What must I do to be saved?”  The jailer recognized that they had something he wanted.  No, something that he needed in his life.

They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house.  At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his household were baptized.  The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole household.

Paul & Silas spoke about the hope of the Gospel…that Jesus died for their sins.  All his failures were remembered no more.  His worth as an individual was found through God’s love for him and Jesus Christ’s death on the cross.  Jesus defeated death and gave hope for a new life.  Whoever believes in Him will live eternally with God, and without sin, forever.

By listening to Paul, the jailer, who was once hopeless, found hope.  He who would act under his own perspective acted upon Truth.  He who thought his failure defined him found a new definition of his worth.  He who was about to end his life chose to live, and by living, his whole family was impacted and saved.

In Jeremiah 29:11, God said, “‘For I know the plans  I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.‘”  In the life of the jailer, a life that seemed insignificant, we see how God worked in his life and brought the message of Christ to his heart, and in doing so, he was saved – not only him alone, but his whole family.

Readers, God has a plan for you.  In Him there is hope.  In Him there is a good future.  If you have been considering suicide, learn from the jailer and follow his path. Listen to that voice that tells you to “Stop” and turn to Him for your worth and for direction. God is not done yet. The future is promising.  Do not act on your own perspective. Now you see in darkness, but God’s truth found in Christ will shed light on your heartaches and will give hope for your future…in this world, and the next.

If you would like this presentation to be given at your church or youth group, please contact us at info @ foundchristcounsel. org or by calling 570-402-5088 (ext 0).

Not too long ago, LeSean McCoy, running back for the Philadelphia Eagles, was singled out by a restaurant owner for leaving a lousy tip.  The receipt was pictured and placed on the web to embarrass and shame him for his action.  According to McCoy, the service was terrible and the low tip ($.20) was all that was deserved.  In tipping poorly, McCoy made the statement that you get what you deserve and waiters & waitresses must earn their tip.
Another story that reached headlines was about Steven & Makenzie Schultz, who received less than stellar service due to the busyness of the restaurant.  Their wait was longer than most typical Americans would handle well.  In fact, they heard many customers complaining and saw some even walking out.  So, what did they do?  After a long wait and meal time, they gave their waiter way more than what was deserved… a $100 tip.

These two stories show two different approaches to similar experiences of poor service (though most likely not identical).  One approach is that a reward (tip) is based on earning it.  The other is giving a reward regardless of whether it was earned – which is based in mercy.

Whether they knew it or not, the Schultz’s demonstrated grace, that is, unearned favor. This tip of grace was given to the waiter, even though he was unable to perform to the standards of the customers.  The Schultz’s were aware of the waiter’s inability to measure up to these standards.  Their patience combined with their concern for his well-being led them to act with their grace-filled gift.

This act is an illustration of the grace that God gives to us…His unmerited favor for those He loves…us.  We know we will never be able to measure up to His standards of being righteous on our own.  It is impossible.  Yet, though we are incapable of measuring up to these standards, He is patient with us, and His great love for us led Him to act with giving us an unmerited gift of Jesus Christ.

Just as the waiter accepted the gift of the tip (though he knew that he hadn’t earned it), we are also given the choice of accepting the gift of Jesus Christ.  When we accept (believe in) Him (His death for our sins), we are stating that we cannot earn our way to heaven and we accept His sacrifice for us.  Jesus earned which we could not – eternal life in heaven through meeting the standard of sinlessness.  And we are given the gift of eternal life based on His merits and not on our own.  This is what it means to be “saved by grace” (Eph 2:8-9).

May we accept this grace given to us by God through Christ and may we demonstrate this same grace to others who have not earned our respect, love, tips, or our favor.

If you’ve been around the Christian environment long enough, you’ve probably heard the phrase, “It’s not about religion.  It’s about a relationship.”  This is a true statement. Many people just go to church and “do” the professional Christian thing.  Arrive at church.  Sing. Listen. Leave. And then live their lives with God on the back burner.

There have been times (too many) when I’ve done this very same thing.  In fact, I often find myself going back to this default setting, even though I am a committed follower of Jesus Christ.  Christianity has been a way of life for me for the almost 30 years.  I loved going to youth group and hanging with friends as I was well-known and liked (at least, I believe I was).  I went to a christian college and remained in the culture of Christianity where I made new relationships, found a great Christian woman to marry, was elected as elder and eventually, elected as Associate Pastor.  Why? Maybe because I’m a good Christian and fit the mold.  After all, I speak Christianese very well and listen to Christian radio all the time.

Honestly, it’s been easy for me to live the Christian life.  Not that there haven’t been tough times.  There have been.  But, overall, it’s been easy.  Too easy.  Christianity can become a way of life more than anything, especially for the child being brought up in a Christian home.  I find myself living so much within the culture of Christianity that I sometimes forget to focus on that which really matters…my relationship with Jesus Christ.  I sometimes even believe that I can handle situations with the knowledge I have as a professional Christian. Sad thing is, I know I am not alone.  You may be like that, too.

As a counselor, I challenge people to involve Jesus into their struggles and work on their relationship with Him.  Read a Biblically based book, read Scriptures, pray often, seek Him, etc.  But as a “Professional Christian,” having all the good Christian pat answers are frequently on the tip of the tongue.  I can’t help but ask myself, rather frequently in fact, if I practice what I preach, why I do what I do, whether my fly is down before I preach, and whether my faith is as real as I show it to be.

A few months ago, I was challenged by a friend to make sure my relationship with Jesus is real and I’m not just playing the cultural Christian.  I’ve altered his advice to make it as an acrostic, because that’s what we professional Christians and Pastors do to help us remember (I need all the help I can get!).  So, without further ado, here is one way to keep it real between Jesus and Me:

T — Thoughts – What have I been thinking about today?  What are my worries and concerns?  What keeps popping up in my mind?                         Tell Jesus

H — Heart – What am I feeling? Am I afraid? Worried? Sad? Excited? Depressed? Confused? Anxious?                                                                     Share with Jesus

A — Answer - What does God’s Word say about my concerns and feelings?  What words of His will I need to apply in my life?                                              Listen to Jesus

N — Name – What is the name of God that rings most true for me? “Prince of Peace”? “Jehovah Jireh”? “I Am”? “Alpha & Omega”?                               Trust in Jesus

K — Kingdom – Whose Kingdom will you live in today?  The kingdom of me or the Kingdom of God?  Whom will you serve?                                     Follow Jesus

S — Share – Will you be open and honest with these things with the Lord and share what the Lord is doing in your life with others?                                     Testify about Jesus

Truth be told, I don’t do this as an everyday activity…but it is a challenge to you and to me to make it real with Christ and not just play the cultural Christian game of life.  We need Him more than we need to play the game of Cultural Christianity.  We need Him because our default settings are to turn back to sin and to remain comfortable in being cultural Christians.  My friends, continue to pursue Christ and not Christianity.  After all, it’s not about religion, it’s about a relationship…a real relationship with Jesus.

I was about 7 when I was pretty much forced to go to church (this pic is actually where I went to church!). I didn’t want to go. But after a short time, I actually wanted to go. Why? Because I met a friend and we were best friends til I moved away before tenth grade. For some reason, I could always be myself at church, which wasn’t always a good thing. In school, I was a perfect angel. In church, well, I got kicked out of Sunday School a few times. I didn’t always agree with my teachers. The teachers wanted to teach.  I wanted to make people laugh. I know. I know…priorities…

By the time High School came around, going to church was pretty much a habit. I don’t remember much about the services or getting much out of them, but growing more familiar with the Scriptures was pretty much all I remembered in my growth (though I’m sure there was more).  I also remember being released from my duties as a sound tech.  Guess they didn’t like the extra high pitched squeals…

College was different. No parental pressure, though there was an unwritten pressure from Christian peers (I went to a Christian college).  So I went to church sometimes on my own.  My attendance dropped a bit from High School…until I found myself in a singing group that toured the area singing at churches. That kept me in the church.  God knew what He was doing…

But what about now?  Honestly, at times, it is a struggle.  Sometimes, going to church is a way of life.  It is what you do as a Christian.  You go to church.  See people.  Talk. Learn a bit.  Serve.  Then go home.  Done.  Until next Sunday and you repeat the cycle.  Wash.  Rinse.  Repeat. This is what it seems like sometimes.  At least, it does to me as a professional Christian.  Church becomes a Christian tradition, a meaningless Christian activity that should help us in our walk, but doesn’t.  Sermons are fine.  Worship is OK.  People…well….most are pretty good…but going to church isn’t as uplifting as we desire.

Truth is, when church feels this way or it becomes a Christian activity, something is not right in our spirits.  Spiritual growth is stagnant at church because it is stagnant outside of church.  We’re not being fed at church partially because we’re not hungry enough.  Loving people is lacking because loving God is lacking.  Focus is often on the self while others, including God, simply become other characters in the church story life of blah.  Of course, if we stayed in this mental place, going to church would simply become depressing.

Overall, I find this to be true: If church simply becomes a meaningless traditional Christian activity of the week, than the focus of my heart is too small.  The best part about church is this: as a part of the body of Christ, we are part of something bigger than ourselves.  It helps us to redirect our focus on what matters:  1) God & 2) God’s mission.  Going to church helps us to look beyond ourselves and focus on loving others and focus on God.  It helps us to see that we are not the center of our worlds.

One thing I ask the Lord, that as He changes me, that I would not implode by my own self-centeredness, but be amazed by His glory, His love, His Majesty, and His Awesomeness. I pray that church does not become a traditional thing to do, but an opportunity to leave my world of me and drink deeply of Him.  I pray that I will cooperate with Him in preparing my heart to hear His by reading His Word and reading other godly books that will draw me to Him.  Why did I write this article?  Because I am a professional Christian.  And the “every Sunday” can become mundane.  So, I, like many others, need to be reminded that I need Him and that I need His people to love and to be loved by…Overall, I need to go to church.

Please click the Link below for an article / blog by my friend and former Biblical Seminary Professor, Dr. Phil Monroe.  Phil does a fine job briefly articulating recovery after trauma and compares it to the physical healing after surgery.  “The Biblical” Dr. Phil is the Director of the Counseling Program at Biblical Theological Seminary in Hatfield, PA.

WHAT DOES RECOVERY LOOK LIKE AFTER TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES?

Our teen years may have been pretty tough…From internal pressures to being accepted and liked, fears of rejection, hormones, desires, demands, etc…All of it was a bit much…but we got through it.

What helped you get through those years?  Was it academics or sports?  Family or friends?

For me, it was God blessing me through the encouraging words of others. These encouraging words were, in fact, life changing in many respects. I’d like to highlight two people in my life who spoke encouraging words. This is not to diminish the impact of others who have spoken into my life at all (parents, best friends who have listened and shared, etc.), but as I sit and write, these two come to mind.  Honestly, I don’t think these two know the impact of their words on my life. In fact, they may not even remember their words at all.  But to me, their kind words and words of hope were a part of God’s plan.

The first bits of encouragement I presently recall came from my sister.  It was during a time when I was feeling down and depressed and contemplating taking my life.  To be frank, I don’t remember her words to me exactly and I didn’t share with her all my thoughts.  But I remember her encouragement to me that I will get a girlfriend, grow taller, get thinner, etc. Really, she gave me words of hope that kept me going so I would not give up and hold onto just a little bit longer.  I listened and believed these words of hope…

One other bit of encouragement I received was in the form of a compliment from a fellow youth group member, Kathy.  We were on a youth retreat to Colorado (from Minnesota) and a few fellows and myself decided to serenade some of the girls at the camp. Afterwords, Kathy approached me and told me that I had a good voice.  That is something I never heard from anyone before and it stuck.  From there, I joined the High School choir the next year and earned a solo at one of the concerts.  In college, I joined a barbershop quartet and a travelling singing group in college (Common Bond).  And from the travelling singing group, I met the woman that I would marry at a Christmas party for all of the travelling singing groups.

In looking back, I am amazed at how God’s plans unfolded in my life.  I am also amazed at the impact words of encouragement and the giving of compliments can have on another person’s life, even my own.

So, for those who had given words of encouragement and compliments to me throughout life, I say “thank you.”  Fellow blog readers, do not focus on the negatives in others, but be ready to give the hope of encouragement and praise to others.  It only takes a few seconds to speak into others’ lives (for the positive or negative) and you never know how much small words of encouragement can impact their lives.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their need, that it may benefit those who listen.”                                                                                             Ephesians 4:29

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of counseling many people from both the church and at Foundations.  When going through struggles personally or in marriage, many of the clients shared at some point that they felt at peace with God. What is baffling to me is how people can feel at peace when their actions have been contrary to the Word.  What exactly does this mean?  Can there be a peace from God when actions are contrary to Scripture? Or is there only peace when one is acting in accordance with Scripture?

In the spirit of Paul’s explanation of “Godly Sorrow” vs “Worldly Sorrow” as mentioned in 2 Corinthians 7:10, I’d also like differentiate Peace in the same manner:  Godly Peace vs Worldly Peace.

Godly Peace, or peace that comes from God, occurs when our actions are consistent with His Word.  Our actions, of course, stem from an internal belief that God is trustworthy, loving, all knowing, all powerful, faithful, all present, etc.  When our decisions are based in our trust on His character, then no matter what happens, we are at peace because we know His way is best, wise, in accordance to His will, and that all will work out for our good.

Fourteen years ago my one son was only a day or two old when he had multiple surgeries.  We received a phone call from the Doctor stating that he took a turn for the worse.  I remember praying to the Lord and receiving that peace that passes understanding (Php 4:7).  This is the peace that you get when the situation seems bleak, but you feel at peace because you know it’s in God’s hands.  At that time, I simply trusted in Him.  I didn’t know the outcome of the situation, but I knew Who held the outcome. Whatever the outcome was going to be, He would turn it into my good as He promised (Rom 8:28).

Trust in the One who is good and faithful is where Godly Peace comes from.  It is not looking at any possible outcomes, but at the One who will turn the outcome into our good, and for His glory.

Worldly Peace is the peace that comes when our consciences and hearts have become hardened to God’s Word.  We see this often in those who have not proclaimed Christ and live their lives apart from Him.  They don’t see God’s Word as Truth, as God’s Word of Love to be obeyed, but instead have set up separate morals and values and feel at peace when they follow these morals.

But this Worldly Peace is not simply a peace that is experienced by those outside Christ, but it has also been experienced by those inside Christianity as well.  One example I have seen to frequently is when a wife leaves or divorces her husband for reasons that are not mentioned in Scripture (it can be the other way around, of course).  There has been no infidelity or abandonment by the spouse, nor has there been abusive situations at all (this reason isn’t specifically mentioned in Scripture, but one can make a really good case for it), but the wife, after prayer, etc., comes to the conclusion to leave her spouse and feels a peace about it.  At times, even claiming that this peace if from God.

Where does this peace come from?  Can this peace come from God when it contradicts His Word?  Would the Holy Spirit give someone peace when they disobey God?  I would argue that such peace is not a Godly Peace, but a Worldly Peace.  It is a peace that comes when one deceives themselves into thinking that God wants them to be happy. It occurs when passages of Scripture are twisted to fit into justifying what someone really wants…to be happy.  This person is essentially doing what they feel they need to do for themselves.  Often conclusions are made and Scriptures are found and interpreted in favor of the person so that he or she believes their actions are OK with God.

When this happens, the person then believes that their peace is a Godly Peace.  The self-deception continues and lives and relationships are broken when decisions are made as a result of this peace.

So, how can we know our peace is a Worldly Peace or a Godly Peace?  Approach the answer In humility.  If you are honestly asking the question, be ready for honest answers.  Ask the Lord for His wisdom when interpreting Scriptures.  Ask Him to search your heart and mind.  Would you honestly be willing to do whatever His Word says or do whatever He wants but __________?   Ask a mature believer, pastor, or Biblical Counselor their thoughts and interpretations of various passages you are looking at to see if you are justifying your position or decision.  Since Worldly Peace comes from a hardened heart, ask Him to give you a heart of flesh towards the person you are angry with.  Pray for them.  Do loving acts for them.  Ask God to help you to see them as He sees them.

So, is the Peace that you feel a Godly Peace, or is it a Worldly Peace?

As promised to those in attendance to our Annual Conference, the sessions below are being made available for free to those who attended.  Most of these sessions will only be online until the end of August.

Leslie Vernick – The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

Leslie Vernick – Intro to Desire (Plenary Session)

Mike Emlet – Practice Makes Perfect (Plenary Session)

Mike Emlet – OCD:  Freedom from Impulsive Desires

Alyssa Cathers – Living with Unmet Desires

Mark Akers – His Desires, Her Desires

Mark McGinnis – Sex In Marriage: Igniting Intimate Desires

Steve Silverstein – Pornography: Finding Victory Over the Desires of the Flesh

Jeremy Yeckley – Introduction to Biblical Counseling (Plenary Session)

Jeremy Yeckley, Marc Ramirez – Biblical Counseling & the Local Church

Fred Jacoby – Distinguishing Biblical Counseling from Others

Fred Jacoby – The Desire to Die: Lessons from the Jailer & Job

Fred Jacoby – Desires & Decisions (Final Plenary Session)

Ellen Dykas – I’m Gay, I’m a Gay Christian: Biblical Clarity for Confusing Labels

Gerlin Valencia – The Physiology of Emotions: Understanding How & Why I Feel

Gerlin Valencia – Mood Disorders: The Emotional Rollercoaster

Heather Evans – Victimized By Desire: The Impact of Sexual Trauma & Hope For Its Victims